A Blog about Sex, Tantra and all things Intimacy
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When we Sat in Silence
From the moment we first shared time (cuddling for an hour and a half at my cuddle party), it was as if everything faded away and there was just us, breathing together, our heartbeats syncing almost immediately. And everything got so beautifully... quiet.
Love doesn't have to be loud and fiery and chaotic. Sometimes the most profound love can be quiet, slow, and seemingly endless...
Pleasure is the Measure
"Pleasure is the measure of sexual wellbeing. NOT how often, or who with, or even how many orgasms you are having... It is whether or not you enjoy the se- you are having." -Emily Nagoski
This is why I love the tantric practice. It allows us to let go of goals/expectations, be open to finding pleasure in what is real in the moment, and teaches us transferable skills in bringing pleasure to all aspects of our lives, not just in the sexual.
Needs are Non-Negotiable
"Getting yours needs met is non-negotiable. It may not be the way you want it, or by whom, but it must happen." ~Billy Lee Myers
This got me thinking about the bridge between our inner world (desires and needs) and our outer world (the real world): Too much weight on our inner world: Results in trying to "force our will" on the outer world, controlling, manipulating. On the other hand, too much weight on our outer world: Results in "victim mentality," lack of action, entropy. How can we find balance between the two?
It’s Probably Just the Context
Doing something that isn't really your jam, and then feeling anxious/ upset/ out-of-place, and then telling yourself it's your fault and something must be wrong w you...
Is like a bird diving into a fishbowl, not being able to breathe, and then blaming himself. "I'm defective," he says. Furthermore, telling yourself "if I only could adapt” …
The Secrets
"I need to learn your secrets," he said. "It seems as if you are so good at connecting with others. It seems so easy."
I laughed... Out loud...
I remembered the last time one of my connections went WAY south, less than a year ago. We met, shared time and space, and had a "falling out." We haven't spoken a word to each other in the time since then, and I have not initiated any reparation attempts.
The Dream
The Dream: My chest rises and falls as I breathe deeply, relaxing. "How does it feel?" He asks, curiously. I notice his energy distant, but his attention on me. "Amazing," I whisper, more to myself than to him.
I begin to trace my nails up and down along my arms. I can feel the energy at the places of contact, my entire body transfixed by the heat, the tingles, and the goosebumps.
Playful Boldness
I love being bold. I l love experimenting with bold, direct actions and desires. I love catching people (myself included) off guard with my boldness.
Some of the things I have said/done:
"If you could have your biggest desire tonight with me, what would it be?"- (Insert mouth-drop)
The Importance of “Liking”
What is compatibility? I've been in a few long-term relationships in my life so far, and they've run the gamut:
Lust: I want you. Passionate. Sparks. Eventually, attachment style mismatch gone awry in fiery blaze.
Storybook: It seems like the universe put us together for a reason. Happily ever after doesn't actually happen.
Straight or Bi?
"There isn't a percentage cut-off that proves you are Bi" they said. "You don't have to be equally attracted to men and women... 80% one way or the other, is still Bi... if that is how you want to identify."
What!? Wait.. what!? My brain scrambled for a few moments and flashed through some thoughts. I'm (pretty darn) straight though, or am I!?
Time Off
Work is amazing, and I love my job. I also know that for me to be truly present with my clients and offer them the love, energy, affection, and presence they desire, then I need to do the same for myself.
And this is a reminder to you too! Have fun. Be playful. And if nothing else, smile at the little things.. Like dogs in costume.
Navigating Responsive Desire
You may be familiar with “Spontaneous Desire,” the desire that, like a lightning bolt, strikes out of nowhere and we are turned on. Those days where you are walking down the street, randomly think a sexy thought, and Boom, you are ready to go. This is the type of desire we commonly see in movies.
Another type of desire is “Responsive Desire,” the desire that emerges in response to a context that is conducive to pleasure that is happening right now.
Create a Ritual
Create a Ritual. That was the homework. To create our own sacred evening for ourselves.
Mine: One-wheeling during the sunset as the lightning struck through the clouds. The light touch of his hand as we sped through a field of sunflowers. Cuddling in as many places around the house as possible.
A Jump.. Into Slowness
From the moment I laid eyes on him in a lecture on the Science of Attraction (talk about serendipity), my body was pulled towards him.
I walked into the lecture and there he was, red shirt and a back of a head, and my first thought was "whoa." Never seeing the face of this human, I plop myself down about five paces from him and sprawl out on the floor Krysta-fashion. But I could not get him out of my head..
My first Sensual Party
I felt a warmth in my heart and it was then that I realized.. My sensual expression was safe, was okay. That thing that I felt so ashamed of was not only allowed, but it was adored. And it didn't have to mean anything else either.
And that this was possible. A safe space, for people to be loved, appreciated, and accepted for who they were, without pressure to be or do anything other than that.
Now, fast-forward and I am creating these spaces for others.
