The Importance of “Liking”

What is Compatability?

I've been in a few long-term relationships in my life so far, and they've run the gamut:

~Lust: I want you. Passionate. Sparks. Eventually... attachment style mismatch gone awry in fiery blaze. Learn where my attachment shadows lie.

~Storybook: It seems like the universe put us together for a reason. Happily ever after doesn't actually happen. Major personal growth on facing reality head-on.

~Caretaking: You support me in ways that I need and make me feel good. Ends when I grow out of the need for that support. Learn what it means to be treated well.

~Love: It just hits you, that you will love this person no matter what. But love doesn't always equate to compatibility in partnership. Learn to love at the appropriate distance for the relationship.

Now, though, I am particularly appreciating a new stage of relationship:

Liking.

Liking:

I just really.. like you. I like myself around you. I like what we do
together. I like how I feel in my body and in my mind when we are together. I like our talks, how you smell, our jokes, how we share time. I "like" all of it, even the moments where we have a difficult conversation, or we get stuck in traffic, or daily normal "life happens" things- I like it. Not in an intense, emotionally or physically charged way. In a good, pleasurable, chill, peaceful way. I don't feel like I'm reaching for anything particular. I'm just liking what happens and unfolds.. There is just a lot of liking going on... And I'm liking the liking too!

In her book, Come as You Are, Emily Nagoski notes that compatibility in long-lasting relationships is build on a foundation of trust and liking. Great sex and passion can be built. But if it doesn’t have a foundation of trust and liking, it is unlikely to last.

So, here’s to the importance of “Liking”.