The Secrets

​"I need to learn your secrets," he said.

"It seems as if you are SO GOOD at connecting with others. It seems so easy."

I laughed...
Out loud...

❤ ❤ ❤

-- I remembered the last time one of my connections went way south, less than a year ago. We met, shared time and space, and had a "falling out." We haven't spoken a word to each other in the time since then, and I have not initiated any reparation attempts.

-- I remembered the time a boy took me home with him and after I shared some of my personal history (I was doing everything "right" in terms of clarity and honesty), he walked me to the door, said goodbye, and has not looked my way at a dance since...

-- I remembered the times where I put myself out there and literally nothing happened...

-- All this, behind a backdrop of 100x more encounters going so well, so easefully, so smoothly.

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I laughed because I was seeing what this friend did not. He saw the successes, the wins. I was seeing behind that illusion, to all the times it did not go so well..

And laughing.

Because, awhile back, when I hurt a friend's feelings at an event, my mentor said to me,

"Krysta, you are playing in the big-kids sandbox now. You are going to step on some toes. That is the nature of where you are playing. When you dance, you do the same thing. You do it less and less over time, but it still happens. Over time, you just realize that it is part of dancing. You have fun with it.."

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So yes, I am good at connecting with others. I also "step on toes," fail, and get back up to do it all over again, knowing that the magical moments with surely come..

And I love that life. I love the vulnerability. I love the results I get. I love dancing that dance. I even love the failing, because I know that perfectionism isn't a thing in the world of connections..

and I've learned to love it that way...