12 Relational Commitments for Deeper Intimacy
There are moments with others that feel easeful, warm, and rejuvenating.
And there are moments with others that feel exhausting and draining…
After one incredibly angering and frustrating connection with a human, I was feeling confused and lost- perhaps I was NOT navigating with skill, perhaps there was something “wrong with me.” After all, if I was offering so much, why would this person ghost me and act as if I didn’t…
Then I realized.. that there was nothing wrong with me. Or this person. I was just offering something that they did not want, or could not give in return… And I naively thought that their rejection must mean that I didn’t have value, instead of a more accurate truth- I was offering a value that was not recognized or returned by the human in front of me.
So, I wrote. I wrote down the things that I offer being me. And that I assert in my relationships with others.
(I wrote them as questions, so I can continually be asking this of myself and others- you can change out the pronouns as fits)
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Segue into: My Navigational/Relational Commitments
1. Are you willing to acknowledge the your actions create impact and work for win-wins (balancing authentic action with positive impact)
2. Are your physical needs and desires on an equal playing field to mine?
3. Are you dedicated to open, clear, and direct communication?
4. Do you honor and uphold your agreements (time commitments, plans) or when changes arises, demonstrate care and consideration for the other?
5. When emotions arise, can you offer time, presence, deep listening, and non-judgement? From there, can you offer support (or assistance in getting the needed support) for these emotions?
6. When conflict arises, can you be honest and vulnerable with yourself and others about what is real for you?
7. What conflict arises, can you turn towards each other for collaboration?
8. In times of great need or desire, are you willing to sacrifice some of your lesser or more immediate needs, knowing the same courtesy will be extended to you and not taken advantage of (ie. Physical crisis or matters of personal importance)
9. Are you dedicated to kindness and respect in navigation of the above?
10. Do you commit time to outwardly demonstrating your affection and care for this other human being in recognition and celebration of the value they bring to your life? (think love languages- planning quality time, PDA, thoughtful gifts, words of affirmation, sweet touches)
11. Do you honor and acknowledge your physical/ emotional/ environmental limitations (ie. Working within 3D physical reality).
12. Do you have a genuine continued interest in learning what makes your partner tick and providing avenues for those expressions to bring more joy into their life?
**I will surely be adding more as more come up.
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After writing this, I felt more at ease.
These are things that I choose to cultivate and hone in my connections, utilizing these skills to show real care and consideration for another human, even in small moments.
And these commitments, put into values and tangible action, is an incredible offer..
And I expect value back.
Or, perhaps that isn’t correct. I can’t expect everyone to offer or *even want to offer* the same value package back. But I CAN consciously choose situations where I feel there is a positive energy exchange.
So that is where I am at. I am dedicated to cultivating and offering more value because I LOVE IT, I DESIRE IT, I CHOOSE IT, and I WANT IT.
And I will choose people and situations that recognize my value, both personally and professionally..
So bring on the amazing peeps. Bring on the amazing work opportunities. Bring on the value.
