More Spaces for Women
Facilitating "Women's Sensual Night"
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It started with this share:
"I want to share that this group... is a vulnerable edge for me. For many years, outside of my immediate family, most of the people I connected with were male-bodied. This was true for my entire life in romantic relationships and many of my years in the tantric space. But over the past few years, something has changed..
(pause)
While learning about female pleasure and expression, and a quote stuck out. The quote was "For white, cis-gendered women, the cultural script is that the only way to receive pleasure is by giving pleasure to male-bodied cis- gendered white men." I've been looking back on these past ten years and realizing that I fell into this. Into this script. Often feeling that the only way I could be safe in my pleasure was to find spaces with men where I could give pleasure, or running towards men at parties because I felt safe there. Culturally safe to express my sexuality, my pleasure, my personal expression, which is a bit bold for most spaces. But I felt like my boldness could be safe there, and that script made sense to me.
And It has served me well. I am surrounded by wonderful male-bodied humans. But lately, I've found increasing amounts of discomfort in connections with some male-bodied humans.. (tears swelling) sometimes I don't want to connect sexually or even have that potential as a reason for sharing time, and lately it feels like a weight on me that I can't quite figure out how to release or to navigate.. And, to be honest, I feel some grief too- Grief that I have missed out on creating beautiful spaces with female-bodied humans for so many years.
And so I come to you, with some pain in the experiences I have had that fell into that script, grief over loss of beautiful spaces with women, and also excitement- That we are creating those spaces for us tonight. To reclaim our sovereignty, our choice, or empowerment in the ways we want to show up in the world. By us, and for us."
And that was the start of the night. Of meditation and movement (lead by the amazing Sofia Spolaor Etges, of tears and laughter, of authentic relating, wheel of consent games, and sensual cuddle-puddle vortexes that I wished could have lasted for days. Of painting chocolate on our faces, of sweet forehead kisses, and clear, easy communication.
It felt so easy, so pure, so natural. Every person there said the same. Female bodied humans that have felt uncomfortable in co-ed spaces shared that it felt effortless and stress-less. Each person left feeling rejuvenated and their cup filled or overflowing with care, and the reaction was "more." More of these spaces, more of women's special medicine for the world, and more of this sensual, non-sexual intent, even with our male-bodied friends and loves.
This space, created for and by women, is not only good, but it is necessary. And I hope to be creating this spaces again and again over the years.
